Legend of Zelda: Mystic Pen
by ThunderClouds7
Summary: A young authoress makes a fool-hardy mistake and the characters of her story are pulled into Hyrule. Her utensil, the Mystic Pen, falls through by accident. Can she reclaim it before the bad guys? Or will Hyrule once again fall into darkness? Please R&R.
1. Prolouge: A Mistake

Legend of Zelda: Mystic Pen

Prologue: A Mistake

The time after Ganondorf's downfall was a peaceful and prosperous time. Crops grew in abundance and there was never a want for food. All the races were at peace with each other; there were no wars, no strife, only trading. The people looked up to Princess Zelda who ruled Hyrule with a kind and gentle hand. Link, after discovering that his one true love was adventuring, became the realm's only ranger. He replace the Master Sword and once again took up his Ordon Sword. Then he journeyed across the land on Epona, solving problems and giving aid wherever the call arose. With Zant delirious and trapped in the Twilight Realm, and Ganondorf dead, it seemed as if there were no problems left in the world.

But they were wrong!

Not so long ago, in a realm not so far away, a mistake was made. It seemed to the inhabitants of the realm an unimportant mistake, but in truth, it was the worst mistake possible. It was a mistake of the pen.

A fool-hardy authoress, young and insane, was writing a fanfiction when suddenly and without meaning too, she began to work on a piece of her own. A portal was opened between the two stories and the antagonist of the authoress's story seized the opportunity and slipped through. Quickly realizing her mistake, the authoress sent her protagonists after him. She fell back into her chair with relief, dropping her pen in the process. It rolled off the table and tumbled through the portal. The authoress let out a yell and dove in after it, dragging her most trusted companion in with her. They tumbled through the vortex of time and space, utterly lost.

Purple Tractors had come to Hyrule.


	2. Purple Tractors Comes to Town

**Enia: 'Ello! Welcome to my Legend of Zelda/Purple Tractors crossover! But, since Purple Tractors isn't published and its my story, this isn't techniqually a crossover!**

**Samik: This isn't gonna die like your Max Ride/Purple Tractors crossover, is it?**

**Enia: Of course not! This on'es gonna be even better!**

**Samik: I'll hold you too it.**

**Teemo: This'll be the third fanfic I've starred it! Enia must really love me!**

**Enia: Sure Teemo. Just keep telling yourself that. Okay readers. Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, this is gonna be one crazy ride.**

Purple Tractors Comes to Hyrule

Three disheveled figures stumbled into Ordon Village, one of the males hanging off the other. The female tripped and went down to one knee and the brown-haired male immediately bent down to help her. He pulled her to her feet and slung her arm around his shoulder. Their companion, the second male, spotted a near-by inn and pointed towards it. The other two nodded and they stumbled towards it, looking dead on their feet. The male who spotted it pushed the door open and held it for the other two before following them inside. They collapsed at the nearest table. The brown-haired male thunked his head down onto the wood. "Oh, my head," he groaned. "It hurt before I whacked it on the table, but now it's _throbbing_!"

"What happened?" asked the female. She pushed her bright orange hair out of her face and rubbed at her eyes.

"This is all Enia's fault," the brown-haired male grumbled, his voice muffled by his arms.

"Can I get you guys something?" a new voice asked. They looked up to see a pretty brunette girl watching them and holding a pad and pen.

"Like, food?" the male who hadn't spoken yet asked.

She nodded.

The three of them started to salivate. "I'm starving," the female announced. "Teemo," she tugged at the brown-haired male's arm, "get me something to eat."

"M'kay, Arin," he said, patting her hand. "We'll have, uh, whatever the house special is. You want anything, Fred?"

The black-haired male jumped at the sound of his name. He looked up and the server realized that he had violet eyes. "Hm, what? Oh, yeah, sure. I'll have what they're having."

The server nodded, wrote down their orders and left.

They went back to their conversation. "What did she even _do_?" the black-haired male, Fred, asked.

"I have no idea," the other male, Teemo, answered. "I knew she always joked about having magical authoress powers, but I never thought they were actually _real_. i don't think _she_ even knew they were real."

"Where's Darrel?" the female, Arin, asked. "We went through the portal right after him. Shouldn't he be around here somewhere?"

"Portals are fickle things," Teemo responded.

"Great," Fred grumbled. "Now we have to find him. Again."

The three of them sighed and fell into silence. Somewhere outside a hawk crowed. The server came back with their food and set it down in front of them. They fell on it like ravenous wolves and withen in minutes the three bowls were scrapped clean. The serving girl stared at them in shock. "Hungry?" she managed to squeak.

"Like you wouldn't believe!" Teemo agreed, letting out a belch. He leaned back and patted his stomach. "That was some good chow, give my compliments to the cook."

"O-okay."

She turned to leave. "Wait," Arin called out. "Can you tell us where we are?"

The serving girl looked back at them. "You're in Ordon Village," she answered, "in Hyrule."

* * *

><p>The chicken fell heavily out of the sky and landed in a pool of water with a splash. He surfaced and looked around to see an entire city's worth of people staring at him in shock. One little girl began to scream. The chicken glowered at her and clambered out of the fountain, water dripping from his feathers. "What?" he snapped when the crowd didn't stop staring.<p>

"You're," a man swallowed dryly and tried again. "You're a chicken."

"Yes, I'm a chicken. What are you, blind?"

"But you're Hylian sized."

Hylian? What? The chicken figured it was just another idiotic name for human. "Yes, and you should all fear me for I am," he paused for effect, "Darrel T. Mutantchicken!" He expected the crowd to start screaming and running around in a panic. But they didn't. Instead they started to laugh. Fire danced in Darrel's eyes; he _hated_ being laughed at. "STOP. LAUGHING!" he bellowed, shaking the stone buildings with his roars.

The crowd immediately shut up.

"Good," Darrel snarled. He began to pace before the crowd, the water in his feathers an infuriating weight. "I am your new dictator. You will listen to me. You will listen to all my demands, comply to my every whim. You will build me a castle and bring me whatever I want, whenever I want. I will not hesitate to strike down anyone who questions me. Furthermore, you will not laugh at me or question my integrity. You will be my slaves, my court jesters, my whatever-I-please. Got it?"

Utter silence, broken only by one brave child whispering to his friend, "Remind you of anyone?"

His friend snorted.

Darreld wheeled towards the children, prepared to bite their heads off, but the towns-people moved to block him off. "You'll have to take that up with the princess," a woman in a long dress said coldly. Darrel realized that they were all glaring at him. _Hm. This is a different breed of human,_ he thought.

"And where does this 'princess' reside?" he asked.

No one answered him. Darrel took a threatening step forward. "Tell me!" he ordered. Still no one answered him, but he noticed guards in shining armor begin to make their way towards him. He let them come and for a few minutes everything was silent. A gentle breeze ruffled Darrel's white feathers and the sun glinted off the soliders' helmets. Then the first human was close enough to attack.

The human lunged at Darrel, pike outstretched, but Darrel slid out of the way and grabbed the weapon's wooden handle, wrenching it from the man's grasp. Then he turned the pike around and drove it through his opponent's gullet, ripping it out again in a torrent of blood and a loud squelching sound. The crowd stared at him in shock. Darrel held the bloody blade of the primitive weapon before him and began to stalk forward. The humans parted before him like a wave. Some of the blood on the pike dripped down the shaft and stained his feathers red.

The guards at the heavy oak doors leading to the castle tried to stop him, but Darrel decapitated one of them and forced the other trembling man to open the door and lead him to the princess. All activity in the bustling corridors came to a standstill as people stopped and stared. Darrel mercilessly killed any who got in his way.

Finally they made it to the throne room. Darrel killed his guide and kicked the door open with one Converse-shoed foot. The door banged against the stone wall with a resounding 'thunk' and the inhabitants of the room looked up from the table they were clustered around. At the head of the table was a brown-haired woman with a regal bearing and a calm level gaze. Darrel assumed her to be the princess.

"Are you the princess?" he demanded, striding forward with his bloody pike leveled at the woman.

"I am," she answered calmly. "Who are you?"

"I'm Darrel T. Mutantchicken. Perhaps you've heard of me."

"No, I can't say I have."

Darrel glowered at her; _everyone_ had heard of him.

"What do you want?" the princess asked.

Darrel walked forward until he stood right at the edge of the table. He pointed the pike at her face, the last of the blood fell from the metal and splattered the map spread out on the table. "Your crown."

The princess laughed, a mocking sound and Darrel felt his anger deepen into rage. "Let me guess. You want to take over Hyrule and make every man, woman, and child your slaves. Am I right?"

Darrel blinked. "Well, duh."

She sighed and muttered something that sounded like, "Not again." Then she addressed Darrel in a louder voice. "Get out."

"What?"

"I said get out." She pointed towards the door, her eyes blazing.

Darrel got up on the table and stalked forward, placing the pike beneath her chin. "What to change your answer?"

She stared at him levely. She lifted a hand and her palm began to glow with a golden light. Darrel grew slightly apprehensive; this was definately a different brand of human. "I said get out," she repeated coldly, eyes chips of ice.

Darrel stepped back. "You'll regret this later," he hissed and turned and stalked out of the room. He was Darrel T. Mutantchicken, ruler of Earth and the Universe, dictator, mass murder, and master mind, but he also knew when to retreat to gather more force. And gather more force he would. Then he would come back and pound the castle and its inhabitants to dust. Then he would establish himself as supreme ruler of the land and extend his kingdom outward to the rest of this world!

* * *

><p>Zelda watched the strange chicken leave, feeling an overwhelming sense of deja vu and foreboding. She turned to one of the men around the table. "You'd better go find Link."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>*thunk*<strong>

**Enia: Ow! Goddamnit! Samik, where are we?**

**Samik: I don't know, you're the one who created this portal.**

**Enia: Yeah, but that doesn't mean I know where we are!**

**Samik: Why are we even here?**

**Enia: I dropped my pencil!**

**Samik: It's a pencil, Enia. They cost, like, a dollar.**

**Enia: But its a _special_ pencil! I can't write without it!**

**Samik: *sighs***

***thunk***

**Enia: Ow! God_damn_it!**

**Samik: Why is everything so dark?**

**Enia: 'Cause we're in the middle of a goddamn black hole, that's why. Ack! *there is a thud as she hits the floor* What the hell was that?**

**Samik: A pole of some kind. Enia, how are we going to get out of here?**

**Enia: I don't know! Maybe anyone out there is reading this could help by, oh I don't know, leaving a review or something. *cough, cough, hint, hint* It would be greatly appreciated!**

***thunk***

**Enia: Ow! Why am _I_ the only one running into things?**

**Samik: 'Cause I'm more graceful than you?**

**Enia: ...**

***thwack***

**Samik: Ow!**

**Enia: Heh heh heh...**


	3. Darrel Finds Something Interesting

**Enia: Hey, Samik, do you hear a weird sound?**

***silence as he listens. Whoooooo***

**Samik: Shit, what is that?**

**Enia: I don't know, but I think it's coming this way!**

***WHOOOOOOOO!***

**Samik: Shit! Run!**

**Beast: ROAR!**

Darrel Finds Something Interesting

"I need an army," Darrel grumbled as he stalked through the grassy field. The sun was shining and a gentle breeze was blowing, but Darrel noticed none of it, so wrapped up in his dark thoughts was he. The chirping birds were simply nuisances. Suddenly something glinting in the grass caught his eye. He bent down and his eys widened in surprise. To the normal observer the object on the ground would have been a piece of junk, but to Darrel it was everything.

It was a turquoise mechanical pencil, one with the push-thing on the side and a twistable eraser. The clip was broken off to a tiny stump and the grip was frayed from use. Darrel reached for the pencil, pausing just above it; it felt as if his feathers were beginning to tingle. He forced himslef to reach the rest of the distance and snatch up the utensil. A small shudder went up his wing the instant he touched the plastic.

Dun dun dun dun! Darrel got the _Mystic Pen_! It is the mystical writing utensil of the powerful Vengeful Authoress. With it Darrel could work wonders... or destroy the world. This could end badly.

* * *

><p><strong>Enia: *as they run screaming through the darkness* ...I sense a disturbance in the Force, Samik.<strong>

**Samik: Why? What's happened?**

**Enia: I think Darrel has my pen.**

**Samik: Uh oh.**

**Enia: We must hurry! Allez!**

* * *

><p>Darrel stared at the pencil in his hand and cackled evily. With this he would rule the world; with this he would be unstoppable! He would need paper, but before that, a base. And to find one he would need a map. But where to find one...? Suddenly, panting filled the air. Darrel turned his head to see a scruffy looking man in white boxer shorts and a white tanktop running across the field with a red bannerflag/thing strapped to his back. "You there!" Darrel yelled and the strange man skidded to a stop, his sandals kicking up puffs of dust.

"Yessuh?" the man asked, snapping a salute.

"Do you have a map?"

"Yessum, I do, suh."

"Give it here." Darrel held out his wing.

"Well, suh, I kinda need it fuh m' line o' work."

"Give it here!" Darrel yelled. The color drained from the man's and he hurriedly yanked something from his pack. He hurried over and gave it to Darrel, darting away as soon as he was done. The man's fright made Darrel smile as he unrolled the piece of parchment. He smoothed it out on the ground before him and took a look.

There were five major regions on the map; a heavily wooded area, a mountainous region with a volcano at its center, a large lake with a river feeding it, a snowy mountain, and a desert. At the center of it all was his goal; the castle. Darrel crossed off the snowy mountain first; it would be way too cold there. Next he scratched out the volcano region and the desert because he didn't like extreme heat or sand. Then he vetoed the giant lake becasue he _hated_ getting his feathers wet. That just left the wooded area. There would probably be too many bugs there, but Darrel supposed it would be the best of the five. At the very bottom of the page was a small town labeled Ordon Village. Darrel would make that his base. It looked to be about a day's walk. Not far at all, but Darrel _hated_ walking.

Darrel turned the map over and wrote in awkward, childish letters: _"A green motorcyle appeared."_

Nothing happened.

Darrel cursed and tried again. _"A green motorcycle appeared out of nowhere."_

Again, nothing happened. "Why doesn't it work?" Darrel yelled, tempted to through the stupid pencil down. Maybe it had to be more specific. "_A green, chicken technology, air-powered motorcycle appeared for me to ride."_

A small green tricycle appeared. Darrel cursed again and kicked the bike over. _Screw this,_ he thought. _I'll just walk. _He gathered up the map and stomped off... in the wrong direction. "Damnit!" he yelled as he realized his mistake and spun on his heal to stalk towards the forest. He hoped no one had seen that.

* * *

><p><strong>Enia: Hurry!<strong>

**Samik: Do you even know where we're going?**

**Enia: No!**

**Samik: Then we need to stop and think about this. For all we know, we could be running _away_ from the portal.**

**Enia: You're right. *slows to a stop* So what do we do?**

**Samik: Is it just me, or do you not hear that thing anymore?**

***they pause to listen***

**Enia: Nope, it's gone. I think we lost it.**

**Samik: No, I think it stopped. It's the only living thing we've encountered here. I think it's guarding something.**

**Enia: The portal!**

**Samik: Exactly!**

**Enia: Then lets go kill its ass! *starts to run again***

**Samik: Wait! How do you know it's that way?**

**Enia: ...I don't. But I'm pretty sure this is the way we came from.**

**Samik: Good enough for me!**

***they start to run***

**(If you like the Purple Tractors characters, I invite you to head on over to tomorrow (Christmas Day) search for Vengeful Authoress, and read "A Purple Tractors Christmas Special". I'm going to put it up later tonight, but you're not allowed to open it until Christmas Day. Hope you enjoy it! Happy Holidays!)**


	4. Taking Over Ordon

Taking Over Ordon

Teemo, Arin, and Fred were making their way out of Ordon Village when Darrel arrived. The chicken saw them first and froze, trying to decide whether he wanted to attack or hide. A second later, Arin looked up and spotted him. She nudged her companions and nodded towards Darrel. Fred's eyes narrowed, but Teemo grinned. "Cool! Now we don't have to go find him!"

"What are you doing here?" Darrel demanded.

"What do you think?" Arin asked. "Enia sent us to stop you!"

Darrel began to laugh. "You think you'll be able to stop me?" He was playing with something, rolling it between his wings and grinning.

"What's that?" Teemo asked, squinting at the object.

Darrel hid it behind his back. "Oh nothing."

"Come on, tell us," Teemo begged at the same time Fred said, "What are you doing here, jackass?"

"What do you think I'm doing here?" Darrel replied with a roll of his eyes. "I'm taking over Hyrule and this... quaint little town will be my base of operations!"

"...How stupid are you?" Fred asked.

Darrel blinked. That was not the reaction he'd been expecting. "What do you mean?"

"You just told us your master plan. Kind of stupid, don't you think."

"I haven't told you all of it."

Fred rolled his eyes. "I rest my case."

Darrel glared at him and started stalking towards the group. "Get out of my way little boys and girl, least you get hurt."

"You're such a dickhead, did you know that?" Arin told him, but none of them moved. The four of them stood there for the longest time, almost like a stand-off in an old wester film, until Teemo took the initiative and punched Darrel in the stomach. Darrel doubled over and Arin drove his face into the ground. The enraged chicken jumped back to his feet and shoved them out of the way.

"You'll regret that!" he yelled and looked around until he spotted a young blonde boy with a ridiculous hair cut playing with a pad of paper. "You there! Give me a piece of paper!"

The boy jumped and scampered away from Darrel in fright. Darrel snatched the pad of the ground and tore the top peace off. He procceded to scribble on in furiously. Teemo, Arin, and Fred watched him warily. "Fear the wrath of my army!" Darrel shouted.

A boot-sized gummy bear appeared.

The three friends began to laugh. "What the hell?" Teemo snorted. "Where'd that come from?"

That was when the gummy bear snarled and leapt at his face, determined to bite it off.

Teemo yelled in shock and reeled back, the gummy bear bowling into his chest and knocking him over. The bear's gelatinous mouth snapped shut above his nose and its little orange paws clawed at his face. "Get it off!" Teemo yelled.

Arin yanked the monster off her friend and slung it away. It skidded along the ground, dirt sticking to its body. She turned to look at Darrel. "What?"

"Damnit," he muttered. "I wanted a rabid bear." He wrote something else on the pad of paper.

"Oh my Gods," Arin said as she helped Teemo up. "Do you think that's...?" she trailed off.

"Let's hope not," Teemo replied.

A small garden snake appeared on the ground before them. "Damnit!" they heard Darrel yell again as the gummy bear attacked the snake and ripped its head off. The little monster greedily stuffed the head in its mouth and chewed, blood dripping down its chin.

Arin made a face. "That's gross."

"What are you trying to do, Darrel?" Fred asked.

"Make an army to destroy you! Make a bomb, damnit, a BOMB!" A small firework appeared on the ground before him. Darrel sighed. "Well, it's a start." He looked back at the gummy bear that was busily devouring the rest of the snake. "Attack my Gummy Bear of Doom, ATTACK!"

The gummy bear looked at him and growled before going back to its meal.

Angrily, Darrel turned back to the pad and began to write. Above them, storm clouds began to form and thunder crackled ominously. Lightning split the air and left behind the metallic scent of ozone. The once clear day grew darker and darker until Teemo, Arin, and Fred could barely see a thing. Then, as quickly as it had started, the storm disappeared and the sun returned to Ordon Village, leaving everything the same.

Well, not quite.

There was a confused looking army standing in the center of the village. An army of Bokoblins, Bulblins, Dynalfos, Lizalfos, ReDeads, Stalfos, Stalkin, and Staltroop. Not that Teemo, Arin, and Fred had any idea what the creatures were called. But the villagers did. With screams of terror, they disappeared inside their homes. The army looked around at their new setting, utterly befuddled.

"What's going on?" one Bulblin asked another in thier particular language. "One minute I was at home playing a game of Who Can Do the Stupidest Thing and now I'm here."

The other Bulblin shrugged.

"I am your master!" Darrel yelled at his new army. "You will obey me! My first order is that you will over take this puny little town!"

The army stared at him. A couple of the Bokoblins chittered together in their native language. "Is that a chicken?" one asked.

"I think so," replied another. "So why is he telling us what to do?"

"I don't know," said the first. "Why is he so big?"

"Don't know. Do you think he'd taste good?"

The two of them began to drool.

Darrel, having no idea what they were just talking about, glared at the two Bokoblins. "Would you two shut up?"

One of the Dynalfos stepped forward, the sun glinting off its metal helmet. "Who are you?" it asked in Hylian (or English, however you want to think of it), its vocal cords mangling the words.

"I am Darrel T. Mutantchicken. I am your master."

"Says who?" the Dynalfos demanded.

"I am the holder of the Mystic Pen, the most powerful weaon in the Universe."

"Shit," Teemo muttered in Arin's ear.

"Prove it," said the Dynalfos.

"I brought you here, didn't I?"

"That was you?"

Darrel nodded. The Dynalfos looked around at the rest of the army. "Such power must not be easy to control. You must be very strong indeed. Alright, we accept you, Darrel T. Mutantchicken, as our leader. What would you have us do?"

Darrel grinned; finally he was getting somewhere! "Take over this town for me, would you?"

The giant lizard bowed and bellowed something at the rest of the beasts. Yelling war cries and shaking their weapons, they dispersed amoung the houses, breaking windows and killing people. "We gotta stop them!" Teemo yelled, activating his strange powers. Fire danced in his hands and he chucked the balls at the nearest enemy, a Lizalfos. Arin twirled her hand and a long whip made of water appeared in it. She cracked the weapon and snagged a Bulblin around the neck before it could strike down the little blonde boy Darrel had stolen the paper from.

"You think you can stop me?" Darrel shouted above the din of the battle. "Think again! I'm unstopable with this! I can always conjure more soliders no matter how many you kill! No one can stop me now!" He began to laugh like a madman. He sent a ReDead stumbling after his three enemies. They dodged out of the way and ran down a narrow side street.

"What do we do now?" Fred asked, panting.

"I don't know," Teemo answered. "What can we do?"

"Take the pen from him," Arin responded confidently.

"How? We can't even get close to him."

"We have to try."

They nodded at each other and ran back into the fray, charging Darrel and yelling war cries. Darrel calmly scribbled on his pad and suddenly they were frozen, unable to take another step. "You see," he said, walking up to them and staring Teemo in the eye. "There's nothing you can do. No one can stop me as long as I have this." He held up the Mystic Pen.

Teemo hoped something random would happen, like a bird swooping down and snatching the pen away, but nothing did. Darrel had them beat. There was only one person left who could stop them and Teemo had no idea where she was.

**Enia: Are we there yet?**

**Samik: How should I know?**

**Enia: *shrugs* I don't know.**

***WHOOOOOOOO!***

**Enia: Oh goody, we are.**

**Samik: How are we going to fight in the dark is my question.**

**Enia: Hrm... *suddenly places her hand against the ground* Phosphate Tyra! *the ground is lit up by a glowing green light* Ha! I love magic!**

**Samik: Wh-what is that? *points towards a giant beast with two legs and a large mouth. It is covered with black fur and has strange pink toes on the edge of its feet. No eyes can be seen***

**Enia: I know what that is! That's the Imprisoned from Skyward Sword! I _hated_ fighting that thing!**

**Samik: Why is it here?**

**Enia: This is some kind of rifty thing, like the Gap Between Dimensions. Hey, I wonder if we'll see Phantom Ganondorf here!**

***Phantom Ganondorf floats by as they speak, glowering***

**Samik: That was weird. How do we beat this thing?**

**Enia: Well, first we have to destroy all its toes.**

**Samik: You do realize that sounded really weird.**

**Enia: I know. Then it will collaspe and we have to hit the little poley-thing on top of its head.**

**Samik: Easier said than done, I take it?**

**Enia: Yup. I hate this battle... Too bad we don't have Groose and his giant cannon thing.**

**Samik: We'll just have to make do. Ready?**

**Enia: Always.**

***they attack, yelling war cries***


	5. Fangirl Fun

**Enia: RAH! FIRE! *a spear of flames shoots from her hand and flies through one of the Imprisoned's toes. It roars with pain and anger. It starts to stomp towards them. Samik stops his heel against the ground and sharp pillars of rock shoot up from the ground, damaging more of the Imprisoned's toes. It roars again and suddenly breaths fire at the two friends***

**Enia: Holy shit, that's new! *they dive out of the way and the fire dies away***

**Samik: What do we do now?**

**Enia: *shrugs* Don't know. Keep fighting? It's weakness is still the same.**

**Samik: *nods* Let's do it then.**

***they stand up and face the Imprisoned. A flickering flame appears in Enia's hand. It slowly elongates into a sword. With a yell, she and Samik charge the beast. It bellows at them, but doesn't move. Enia rolls between its two legs and slashes at the toes on the backs of its feet. Samik attacks the front ones. Suddnely, the Imprisoned begins to sway***

**Enia: Duck and cover!**

***they dive out of the way as the Imprisoned tumbles to the ground with a resounding crash. Quickly, the two warriors run around to its head and begin to wail on the spike protruding from its skull. Finally, the spike is driven into the Imprisoned's head. It roars and begins to flail. Enia and Samik back off and watch as it dissolves into shadow***

**Enia: Boo-yah! *slaps Samik five***

**Samik: Great. Now how do we find the portal?**

**Enia: … *head desk***

Fangirl Fun

Link lay by one of the streams criss-crossing Hyrule Field with his eyes closed, his equipment piled beside him. The sun was warm on his face and a light breeze ruffled his hair. A smile played at his lops; it was a perfect day… except that he was _supposed_ to be unblocking the entrance to a small cave system for the Gorons. But it had been such a nice day and the weather was perfect for fishing…

Link sighed and sat up, opening his eyes. He supposed he'd better get on with it. He could relax once he was finished.

He grabbed one of his Bomb Bags from the ground and stood up, his knees popping. He splashed through the stream and made his way to the pile of boulders lying by the cliff face. He pulled out one of the small yet extremely powerful bombs and placed in on the ground. Then, carefully, he lit the wick.

* * *

><p><strong>Enia: Crap! What is it with the Universe and hating me? if I had that damn pen, this would be so much easier!<strong>

**Samik: If you had that pen, none of this would have happened.**

**Enia: Ugh, don't remind me. What are we going to do?**

**Samik: *shrugs. They begin to walk forward***

**Enia: There's gotta be some way to find it! I mean, how are we supposed to- WAK!**

* * *

><p>"WAK! SON OF A BITCH!"<p>

Two figures tumbled gracelessly through the sky. One, the slightly smaller and more feminine of the two, was swearing profoundly. The other was simply yelling with surprise. They hit the soft, grassy ground with an audible thud and lay there, groaning. "Well, that's one way to do it," one of the strangers, the male, said, wincing in pain.

"What the hell happened, Samik?" his companion, a girl of about fifteen, demanded.

"We fell through the portal, Enia, that's what happened."

The girl, Enia, grumbled and rubbed her head. She got slowly to her feet. She helped her friend, Samik, up and they stood there, looking around curiously. "Where are we?" Samik wondered.

Enia rolled her eyes. "Der. Hyrule. …I think."

Samik opened his mouth to reply, but before he could a tremendous explosion rocked the air and shook the ground beneath their feet. Enia latched onto a tree for support and Samik fell to one knee. Finally, the trembling stopped and the two were able to regain their footing. "What was that?" Samik asked.

Enia shrugged, but said nothing as she turned and jogged up a small hill. At the top, she froze and stared disbelievingly at the scene below.

Although the clearing was still smoky, she could clearly see the young man in green staggering around and coughing. He wore a green pointed hat and tunic, and, although it was filled with ash, she could tell that his hair was a dark honey blonde color. She knew exactly who he was. "Let's go down and say hi!" Enia said excitedly and took off down the hill.

"Enia, no!" Samik called, but she paid him no mind.

* * *

><p>"Enia, no!" Link heard the shout and turned around, blinking soot out of his eyes, to see what was going on. There was a teenage girl running down the hill towards him, laughing. She appeared to be a couple of years younger than Link with short, messy brown hair. She wore a strange loose-fitting shirt with elbow-length sleeves that hung down to the middle of her thighs, and tight-fitting black pants that came to just below her knees. Her feet were bare. At the top of the hill stood a brown-haired guy who was shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. He was wearing a baggy brown shirt and a pair of loose black shorts.<p>

Halfway down the hill, the girl suddenly tripped and tumbled head-over-heels through the grass. The boy took off after her, eyes widening with shock and concern. At the bottom of the hill, the girl rolled a couple of times and skidded to a stop, lying motionless. Link rushed to her side, concerned. He bent down an d placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?"

The girl's eyes popped open. "Oh yeah, I'm fine." She hopped to her feet, brushing his hand off. "Don't worry; it's a common occurrence." Up close, Link was startled to see that her eyes were a bright, vibrant green, brimming with intelligence and mirth. "Hi. I'm Enia. You're Link." She stuck out her hand.

He took it cautiously; they were slender and slightly cold. "How do you know my name?"

She rolled her eyes. "_Everyone_ knows your name, silly."

"Enia!" The boy had made it down the hill and was running towards them, eyes ablaze with concern. "Are you okay?"

The girl, Enia, sighed and made a face at Link. "Of course I'm okay, Samik. Why are you so worried? You've seen me roll down hills twice as big and way steeper and come up laughing."

"Yeah, well, you never know. You could've been hurt," Samik said, defending himself.

"Um, who are you people?" Link asked.

"I'm Enia. This is Samik," the girl answered, pointing her thumb at her friend who smiled uncertainly and gave a little wave. She stared at Link curiously. "Wow, I didn't know you could talk."

What? "I'm sorry… where did you hear that?"

She flushed slightly and flicked a piece of hair out of her face. Link noticed that both she and her companion had pointed ears, but they were longer than any Hylian's. "Erm, nowhere," she answered quickly, shooting a glance at Samik. "Anywho, we need your help."

"With what?" Link asked cautiously but curiously. He still wasn't sure what to make of the two strangers. They seemed harmless enough, but there was something decidedly weird about them in the way they dressed and the way they talked. They had accents, subtle, yes, but noticeable. Accents Link had never heard before. And they girl was definitely strange, borderline eccentric. Her mind seemed to be everywhere at once like she was noticing everything that was going on.

She and Samik exchanged another look and Link felt like they were having an entire silent conversation. "So, we're from a land that's, uh, far away and we've got this bad guy who we thought we had secured, but he managed to, uh, escape. And he stole something from me in the process that I'd kind of like back. Some friends of ours took off after him and we promised we'd meet them here. So, we need your help to apprehend him."

"What did he take from you?" Link asked. Something about the story didn't add up to him; he felt like there was something they weren't telling him.

"My pen."

Link raised an eyebrow. "And this is important why?"

Enia glowered at him and stomped her foot childishly. "It's not just _any_ pen! It's _the_ pen! The Mystic Pen! The most powerful tool in the entire Universe! It can do anything, create anything! With it, Darrel, the bad guy, could wreck unknown amounts of havoc! He could take over Hyrule! Which is what he's probably planning to do! You don't want that, do you?"

Link shook his head; no, he didn't want that. "One question. If this pen is really as powerful as you say it is, why do _you_ have it?"

The girl bristled angrily, looking like she wanted to bite Link's head off. "'Cause I'm the Vengeful Authoress, that's why!"

Link blinked slowly. "The what?"

"What Enia means," Samik explained before Enia could speak, laying a hand on her shoulder, "is that she's a writer. She's one of the few to have mastered the Mystic Pen, so it was given to her for safe keeping."

"Oookay," Link said, unsure if he believed them.

"Yeah," Enia added. "So I need to get it back or else some, uh, important people will be really mad at me and-" Suddenly, she broke off, her eyes riveted to something on the ground. "Is that the Ordon Sword?"

Link looked over to where his sword was lying in the grass next to his shield. "Um, yeah?"

Her eyes gleamed. "Can I see it?"

Link shrugged and walked over to pick up the blade. He unsheathed it and handed it to her hilt first. She took it reverently and stared at it in wonder for so long that Link thought she was frozen. Link started to say something, but suddenly she cackled wildly and took off like a rocket, shooting away to her left. Link yelped and lunged after her, but she darted out of his reach and disappeared into a small copse of trees.

_Dun dun dun dun! Enia stole Link's sword! He'd better get it back soon…_

Link stared after her in shock. "Was that a bad idea?" he asked Samik with surprising calm.

"Probably," the boy answered.

"I'm not going to get that back, am I?"

"Probably not. Just be glad it wasn't the Master Sword."

"Why?"

"Because then you _definitely_ wouldn't get it back."

"Oh."

"Or your bombs," Samik added after a moment of thought.

"Why?" Link asked again.

The strange boy regarded Link calmly with dark brown eyes that matched his messy hair. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

"We should probably go after her, right?"

"Might be a good idea."

The two took off after the crazy authoress, following her into the trees. They rounded a large oak and Link froze in surprise. He hadn't expected Enia to be any good – thought she was just a fanatic who liked to play with swords and who would probably end up hurting someone. But he was wrong. She was good, really good. She held the long sword as if she'd been born to it, swinging it effortlessly and sliding through complicated stances as she attacked invisible enemies.

Link ran into the small clearing, dodging another big tree. "Hey!" he yelled, wanting to catch her attention.

And catch it he did. Enia spun around and the sword slipped from her grasp, flying straight at Link's head. He yelped, eyes widening, and dropped to the ground. The sword embedded itself deep into the trunk of the tree behind him and stuck there, quivering, right where Link's head had been only moments before. Enia's eyes widened. "Ohmigosh! I'm _so_ sorry!" She rushed to help him, but he waved her off.

"It's fine. You didn't hit me. It's okay." Link wasn't sure if he wasn't saying that to reassure her or himself. He got shakily to his feet, heart pounding, and went to dislodge his sword. It had gone at least a foot into the tree. If that had been his head… Link shuddered and gave the sword a tug. It didn't budge. He tugged harder. It remained stubbornly lodged in the wood. Frowning, Link braced his feet on the trunk and heaved on the sword with all his might. The blade didn't budge and Link's shoulders began to strain and pop. Then, suddenly and all at once, the tree released its grasp on the sword and Link tumbled back, sword clenched tightly in his fists. He stared up at the blue sky, panting.

_Dun dun dun dun! Link got his sword back! Hooray! Enia didn't kill anyone with it!_

Enia's head appeared in his line of sight, eyes worried. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

She helped him to his feet and together they made their way back to Samik. The brown-haired boy rolled his eyes and shook his head, but said nothing. The three of them hurried back to gather Link's stuff. He sheathed the Ordon Sword and slung both it and his Hylian Shield across his back. He attached the magical bag that held all his weapons and items to his belt along with his Bomb Bag. Then he whistled for Epona. Enia gasped when the majestic horse trotted over. Link grabbed Epona's bridle and looked over at Enia and Samik. They were standing very close together, her hand in his. "So," Link asked. "What now?"

"We go find Darrel," Enia said confidently.

"How?" Link wondered.

She glanced at Samik. "I thought you were the one who was supposed to point out the flaws in my brilliant plans."

Samik grinned and shrugged.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOO! MR. LIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!" called a familiar voice. Link turned around to see the postman running towards him, flag flapping. He skidded to a halt before Link and held out a letter. "Summons from the princess."

"Thank you," Link said, taking the letter. The postman snapped a salute and ran off, his sandals kicking up puffs of dust.

"Open it!" Enia yelped, rushing over to Link. "It could have something to do with Darrel!"

Link carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the slip of thick parchment paper. He read it and froze. "What is it?" Enia demanded, snatching the paper out of his hands. She read it over carefully before handing it to Samik, white-faced.

_Something has happened. It's urgent. Please hurry. –Zelda_

**Samik: Ha! The look on his face!**

**Enia: I know, right? Priceless!**

**Samik: XD**

**Enia: Ha ha. Well, now that my Author(ess)'s Notes don't have anything to do with the plot, I can get back to my pointless ramblings! And believe me, some of them are _very_ random.**

**Darrel: I will the rule the world! Bwahaha!**

**Enia: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Where's Ganondorf? My kidnapping of him should carry over into this fic too.**

**Darrel: Are you even listening to me!**

**Enia: No. Oh Dorfy!**

**Ganondorf: Damnit! Would you _stop_ calling me that?**

**Enia: There you are! *drags Ganondorf out from behind a potted plant***

**Ganondorf: *grumbles angrily. Spots Darrel* Who the hell are you?**

**Darrel: I'm Darrel. I rule Hyrule.**

**Enia: Lol! It rhymes!**

**Ganondorf: No, no. _I_ rule Hyrule.**

**Enia: XD**

**Darrel: *rolls eyes* Whatever. I would take you down.**

**Ganondorf: Ha! I am the King of Evil! I have the Triforce of Power! I have awesome magical powers! What do _you_ have?**

**Darrel: Laser guns.**

**Ganondorf: What?**

**Darrel: *rolls eyes again* Imbecile.**

**Ganondorf: *glares* Chicken.**

**Both: Grr…**

**Enia: Uh oh. Maybe this was a bad idea…**

**Anywho, to DancinMan91 or whatever your name is: if you want to write a story with me, leave me a review under your own name so I can respond to you directly. Or, better yet, send me a PM telling me exactly what you had planned for the fic and why you want me to do this. But, before I agree, you have to make me trust you because I have seen no reason to yet. Also, I should warn you that I hate slash fics and M-rated content, and I don't know a whole lot about Xmen. And I would retain full control over my characters and publish it on my account. I am making no promises as to whether or not I'll agree to this fic. That is all.**

**Wow… I really gotta stop making my Author(ess)'s notes so long.**

**R&R?**


	6. Darrel's Domain

Darrel's Domain

Well, that had gone even better than Darrel had hoped. He had an army that was bent to his will, a town under his control, and he had captured his worst enemies and locked them away. And the Mystic Pen was listening to him…sort of. It seemed to enjoy messing with him sometimes. But no matter. He still had the whole village under this thumb…or would if he had any thumbs.

The three idiots who were his only opposition were locked up tight in an old temple he'd found and guarded by a monster of Darrel's own creation. There was no chance of them getting out. He had an army, he had slaves, and he had prisoners! Life was good!

Darrel marched through his new town, wings held behind his back. His army filled the dirt streets, jabbering amongst themselves, poking others with their rust weapons, and just basically being terrifying and bloodthirsty. Darrel was very proud of them. You rarely saw the villagers; they hid in their houses and trembled. Occasionally, you would see them peek out their shuttered windows, but a snarling Bokoblin sent them scurrying back inside. The only one who didn't scare was a grizzled middle-aged man with short blonde hair, a very rectangular face, and a sword strapped to his back; the only weapon in town. Darrel needed to do something to scare that man into submission before he started a town-wide revolution. But he would figure that out later.

What Darrel also needed was a strong general. He was thinking that the Dynalfos, who had spoken the first day Darrel'd called the army, would be a good fit. He was strong and already commanded the army's respect. Darrel would just have to find a way to keep him in check so he didn't get too cocky and decide to do something radical. But that was also a matter for another day. (Darrel didn't like dealing with problems that hadn't presented themselves to him yet). First he had to get the Dynalfos to agree to be his general.

He found the lizard at the mayor's house, smashing up pumpkins. Darrel waited from him to notice that his leader was standing behind him. When the Dynalfos didn't, Darrel cleared his throat loudly. The tall lizard tossed another pumpkin into the air and sliced this sword through it. "Aten-tion!" Darrel yelled loudly.

The imposing reptile turned around slowly, the frills around his neck flaring slightly, planted his sword in the ground, and leaned on it. "Yes?" he drawled slowly.

"I want to talk to you."

"Are we not already talking?" Darrel decided that he really hated trying to decipher the mangled words that came out of the Dynalfos's mouth.

"I want you to be my general," the chicken said.

The Dynalfos raised one scaly eyebrow. "Why?"

Darrel frowned; he'd thought the lizard would jump at the opportunity. "I need a strong second in command. Someone who will command the army on the battlefield and attend to their needs while I'm dealing with more important matters. You already hold the army's respect. They will listen to you. And I feel that I can trust you. am I correct in that assumption?"

The Dynalfos nodded slowly, his sly mind working. "I will do this."

Darrel grinned humorously. "Great. It's se–"

"What's in it for me?" the lizard interrupted.

Darrel frowned; he didn't like being interrupted when he was talking. "What do you want?"

The reptile's thin lips split into a gross apparition of a smile. "The brown-haired serving girl from the inn."

_Sick bastard_, Darrel thought, glowering. But he knew he had to agree. "Fine," he growled. "She's yours."

The malicious grin grew wider and a dark red, forked tongue flickered out from between his lips. Darrel grimaced; he definitely didn't like this thing.

He spun abruptly on his heel and stalked away from the creepy lizard. The creature was vile and possibly corrupt. Maybe not such a good choice for a general. But he couldn't take the offer back now. He might have to set up a horrible accident to the Dynalfos. But that would come later. Darrel stopped a passing Bublin. "You, got get the brown-haired serving girl from the inn and take her to the Dynalfos at the mayor's house."

"Yes, sir," the Bublin wheezed wetly and waddled away, spiked club dragging on the ground.

There. That disgusting task was done. Then Darrel decided he was hungry and wandered off to find something to eat.

* * *

><p><p>

"Well, this sucks," Teemo said as he revolved in slow circles.

"That's an understatement," Arin groaned.

The three friends were dangling upside down from the ceiling of a chamber deep within an ancient temple. Dark purple sludge bubbled in pools below them, releasing noxious fumes that blew up into their faces, making them dizzy. Teemo had spotted several round blue plants on the stone pillars that dotted the room, but he didn't know what they were. And somewhere in the chamber's dark depths prowled a monstrous beast of Darrel's making. They had only caught glimpses of it, but they could tell that it was huge and heavily armored, covered with giant black scales. The ropes the friends hung from shook with every step it took and occasionally spurts of flame from its nostrils lit up the room.

"What are we gonna do?" Fred wondered, struggling to do an upside down sit-up to relieve the throbbing pressure in his head.

"I could burn the ropes!" Teemo suggested eagerly.

"Teemo, we're twenty feet in the air," Arin pointed out.

"And we can _fly_," he contradicted.

She paused. "Oh. Right."

Teemo wiggled his tongue and tried to bring his powers to bear. But he couldn't find the little spark of magic that resided deep in his soul. Minutes passed as he struggled to find it. "Anytime now, Teemo," Arin said, starting to sound worried.

"I can't find it!" Teemo yelled with frustration.

"Find what?" Fred asked nervously.

"My magic! It's missing!"

"How can that be possible?" Arin whispered, her face going pale.

"I don't know! I can't find it! Maybe Darrel messed with it when he tied us up here?"

"How could he do that?" Fred wondered quietly.

"He has the freaking _Mystic Pen_, Fred. He can do anything!" Teemo snapped.

Fred ignored Teemo's anger. He knew it was only because his friend was scared. Instead he tried to use his powers. Nada. There was nothing. No surge of warmth and tingling energy through his limbs. Panic began to descend over him. His breathing and heart rate sped up and he started to struggle harder against his bonds. "Calm down, Fred!" Arin yelled. "You're attracting the monster!"

It was true. The monster was indeed coming towards them, attracted by all the noise. Fred instantly went still. But the beast kept coming. It stopped beneath them and stared up at the three prisoners. What little light there was reflected off its red eyes. Teemo, Arin, and Fred held their breath, waiting to see what it would do. For a moment, it seemed like the monster would do nothing, but then it opened its huge mouth wide and started sucking in a massive amount of air. Bursts of light flickered at the back of its throat. "Oh crap," Teemo said calmly.

"What?" Arin demanded then she realized what was happening. "Start swinging!" She began to shift her weight back and forth in an effort to avoid what was coming. The monster blasted a long gout of fire out of its mouth. It passed within an inch of Arin's face, close enough that the heat seared her skin. She heard one of the boys cry out in pain. The swirling flames disappeared and the monster stared up at them for another long moment before turning and trundling away. Arin continued swinging and she and Teemo collided heavily.

"Oi!" he yelped as he swung away.

"Sorry!" Arin said. "Is everyone okay?"

"No," Fred groaned. She sought him out and gasped. His legs were heavily burned and the smell of smoking flesh filled the air.

"This day just keeps getting better and better," Teemo said dryly.

* * *

><p><p>

Darrel finished his meal and leaned back in his comfortable chair, patting his stomach contentedly. They had good food here, very good food. He leaned forward and rifled through the papers strewn across the table. They were records of the history of this strange land he was in. He was looking for something that would help him gain complete control over the princess and the world. It was a very interesting history, full of heroes and darkness, terrible wars and monstrous beasts. But he hadn't come across anything that would win him absolute domination and there was only one scroll left.

Darrel picked up the last paper on the table; a thick scroll wrapped in an ornate green and gold silk ribbon. He pulled the ribbon off and discarded it carelessly. The parchment unraveled down to the floor; it was the longest scroll yet. His eyes roved over the inked words quickly. It was an official report about something that had happened not too long ago. It started first, though, with some very ancient history. A powerful man, it called him a Gerudo king, had risen to power using something called the Triforce of Power. He had taken the castle and thrown the land into darkness with his search for the other two pieces of Triforce; Wisdom and Courage. The Wisdom piece was housed in the princess Zelda and the Triforce of Courage in a young peasant boy turned hero who apparently dressed in green. The scroll named him Link. Working together, the princess and the hero had managed to seal the evil being away in a place called the Sacred Realm and all was well in the realm.

Then the story skipped forward about one thousand years. It spoke of a deranged king from the Twilight Realm who wanted to cover the land in darkness and shadow. He almost succeeded, too, but the Link character appeared again and intervened, this time with the help of a so-called Twilight Princess named Midna. Together, they defeated Zant, only to find that his patron "god," as Zant called him, had taken the castle by storm and imprisoned the princess. So, of course, the two heroes rushed to her aide. But Midna was injured in the battle and the princess and Link had to join forces to defeat the ancient king. Link dealt the final blow, killing the usurper once and for all. And that was where the story ended.

Darrel knew what he needed to take over Hyrule; he needed the Triforce of Power. And the only way to get it? Resurrect the Gerudo King of Thieves; Ganondorf.

**Enia: Whoo! Finally! This took me long enough. I've just been lacking inspiration on all my Zelda fics. So I had to force myself to sit down and think about it, and lo and behold! Words came out of my pen! Yay!**

**Samik: Where's Dorfy and Darrel?**

**Enia: Oh, I kicked them out. I didn't want them wrecking my beautiful studio.**

**Samik: I see.**

***CRASH! BANG! KABOOM!***

**Enia: *cringes* I'd better go see what that was. *starts to leave* IF YOU TWO BROKE ANYTHING, I _WILL_ MURDER YOU!**

**Samik: Please leave a review! Bye!**


	7. To Hyrule Castle!

To Hyrule Castle!

"How are you going to get there?" Link asked the two strangers. "Do you have horses?"

They glanced at each other and a few moments passed as Enia gnawed uncertainly at her lip. Once again, Link got the distinct impression that they were having an entire conversation with each other. "We don't have any horses, but we can keep up anyways," Enia said vaguely.

Link was confused. "How? It's hours away and I'm going to be going all out."

"Don't worry about it," Enia snapped. "We can keep up!"

Link leaned away from the unexpected fire. "Sorry," she muttered. "Where we come from people are naturally stronger and faster."

"You're positive you'll be able to keep up?"

"We'll tell you if we need to stop." She grinned brightly at him.

Link shrugged and swung up into Epona's saddle. "Ready?" he asked. They nodded; Enia looked eager. "Yah!" Link yelled, clicking his heels against Epona's sides and twitching the reins. His horse's powerful muscles bunched beneath him then she took off like a rocket, the long grass whipping around her legs. With a wild whoop, Enia took off after them, quickly catching up with Samik right beside her. They ran lightly but powerfully, and they kept up with Epona easily. Enia had a look of fierce joy on her face. She hurdled a fallen log, took a few steps, and immediately tripped. Link reined Epona in, but she had already rolled and popped back up again, laughing with her friend.

"I'm okay!" she shouted. "Keep going!"

Link shrugged and urged Epona on. Just who _were_ these strangers? They laughed and joked about everything as if nothing was serious to them. They ran as silently as hunting cats and could keep up with a galloping horse. They hesitated and gave vague answers whenever Link asked them about who they were and where they were from, then changed the subject. He wanted to talk to Princess Zelda about them, to see what she thought about the strangers. The princess always had good instincts about these sorts of things.

* * *

><p>The horse thundered across the grassy plain, her smaller companions streaking along beside her. The grass swayed from their passing and small animals darted away, startled. It was several long hours before the castle suddenly appeared in the distance, riding a tall hill up to meet the horizon, but neither of the strangers seemed tired. Still, the girl, Enia, stopped to stare at the majestic building in awe. "Wow…it's so…" she couldn't find the right word to finish.<p>

Samik stopped behind her. "Amazing?"

Enia nodded.

Link reined Epona in about ten feet in front of them. "It's even more impressive up close."

Her face lighting up, Enia starting running again with Samik alongside. Link nudged Epona's sides and the horse responded instantly. Hyrule Castle grew steadily larger until it towered above them. Link pulle dup before the drawbridge and swung lightly down from the saddle. Enia craned her neck to stare up at the blue-shingled rooftops and gray stone towers. "Double wow," she breathed.

Link smiled slightly at her amazement. "Come on, the inside's even better." He looped Epona's reins lightly around a post and led the way across the bridge. On the far side, he stepped back to let Enia and Samik enter first. They walked side by side through the archway, identical looks of wonder on their faces.

"Wow…" Link heard Enia breath. "Just…wow."

Link stepped past them. "Come on, the castle's this way." He saw Enia's hand creep into Samik's as the followed him.

Link pushed his way through the churning crowds, ignoring the hawkers calling out their wares and the people asking for money for one charity or another. Strangely, all the conversations seemed to center around one topic: how an evil chicken feel from the sky. Link glanced back briefly at the two strangers who were trying to look at everything at once; he wondered how they were tied into it all.

They came to the center square. There were just as many people there as always, but they were all huddled around the edges, as far away from the bubbling fountain as they could get. Link looked at the fountain; there was nothing odd about it. It was the same as it'd always been.

Shrugging, Link walked straight through the clear part of the plaza. On the far side, he paused and looked back; Enia and Samik were no longer with him.

They were standing by the fountain, looking at something in Enia's hands. The only thing Link could tell about it was that it was white. "What'd you find?" he called back.

"A clue," Enia answered, smiling slightly. She lifted the tip of the object to the corner of her mouth; it was a white bird's feather.

Link knew that if he pressed, she wouldn't answer him, just give him a mysterious answer or snap at him. So he shrugged and turned around, running up the stairs towards the guarded double doors. Enia and Samik scurried after him, Enia tucking the feather into a pocket of her pants.

"Damn, that's a big door," Samik said when he saw it.

Link grinned and beckoned with his hand. "Come on."

The guards stopped them, of course. Standard procedure. "State your name and your business."

Link rolled his eyes; they asked him that every time he came to see the princess. "My name is Ganondorf and I've come to kidnap the princess."

The guard on the right sighed and switched his spear from one hand to the other. "Very funny, Link," he said with exasperation.

"Wait, if you already knew his name, why'd you have to ask?" Enia asked.

The guard shrugged one shoulder. "Standard procedure."

"So can we go in?" Link asked.

"Who are they?" the guard said, indicating Enia and Samik.

"They're, um…" Link wasn't entirely sure how to describe them.

"We're heard about the princess's problem with the chicken," Samik answered smoothly. "We're looking for him too and we know how to help."

The guard had paled at the mention of the chicken, but now he nodded and stepped aside. "Go ahead."

"Thanks," Samik said. He and Enia walked past Link and into the courtyard of the castle.

Link stayed where he was, confused. "Wait…the chicken?"

"You didn't hear about that?" Enia said over her shoulder. "Huh. Well, you'll find out soon enough. Come on."'

Sighing, Link followed them.

**Enia: Bing bang boom, done! Yay! This chapter was originally going to be called 'Meeting the Princess' and was going to end when the three of them were leaving Hyrule Castle, but I decided that was going to be _way_ to long! So I'm splitting it up. Also, I've heard that parts of this are confusing and I can see why. I'll try to clear them up.**

**Teemo, Arin, Fred, and Darrel are characters from one of my stories. I accidentally opened a Portal between their world and Link's and Darrel went through, forcing me to send Teemo, Arin, and Fred after him. But then I accidentally dropped the legendary Mystic Pen in the Portal. And, since I'm an impulsive idiot, I jumped in after it, taking Samik, my best friend/boyfriend, with me. But we ended up in a weird Distortion World (not really)/Gap Between Dimensions thing and had to fight the Imprisoned to get through the final Portal. Which is what those Author's Notes were and now that I think about it, that wasn't the best way to do it. But oh well. After that it's pretty self-explanatory, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask.**

**_CRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAASH!_**

**Enia: Not again! I'm going to kill those two!**

**Samik: She stormed away. I fear for Dorfy and Darrel's safety. I wanna go watch this. So bye, review please.**


	8. Meeting the Princess

Meeting the Princess

Enia strode purposefully through the wide hallways of Hyrule Castle. Servants bustled past her, but she barely noticed them, she was so intent on her destination. "Um…Enia?" Link said. He was standing about twenty feet back near the doors to the castle. "You're going the wrong way."

The girl stopped and looked back at him, then pointed down the hallway. "Then where's that go?"

"To the kitchens."

A mischevious light came into her eyes. Beside Link, Samik sighed. "Don't even think about it, Enia."

She grumbled and stuck out her bottom lip. "But it's so much fun!"

"Don't even think about what?" Link asked, confused.

"Enia has a…habit of blowing up kitchens," Samik explained. "It's something she inherited from her father."

"It's a hobby, not a habit," Enia interjected.

Link staring at the grinning girl in front of him. "Blow up the kitchen? How?"

She waggled her fingers at him. "I have my ways."

Link just blinked as she skipped back to him and Samik. She grabbed her friend's hand and started pulling him in a random direction. He followed her with an amused, yet good-naturedly exasperated look on his face. "Uh…guys? You're still going the wrong way," Link told them.

"Curses! Foiled again!"

Eventually, Link got them heading in the right direction and they let him lead the way to the throne room. He nodded to the guard who opened the door and stepped in before them. The man tapped the butt of his spear on the floor twice. Princess Zelda looked up from the scroll she was reading. "Presenting Link and…" the guard paused and glanced back at Link's companions, unsure how to announce them, "company."

Princess Zelda smiled at Link and stood up from the chair that served as her throne. "Thank you, Tarin, that will be all."

The guard bowed and left. The princess turned back to Link. "I take it you got my message, then."

Link bowed formally. He knew the princess hated it when he did that, but he felt like he should. "Yes, Princess."

Princess Zelda groaned. "How many times to I have to tell you to call me Zelda?"

Link shrugged. "Sorry."

Princess Zelda noticed the two strangers standing behind Link. She nodded towards them. "And who are they?"

Link glanced back at them. He was sort of surprised that Enia hadn't said anything yet. "This is, um, Enia, and that's Samik." He gestured at each of them in turn.

Enia raised a hand in greeting. "Hi." She looked slightly awkward.

"Yeah, hello," Samik added.

"Okay. But who _are_ they?" the princess said again.

Link had no answer for that. "Um…"

"We're, um, travelers," Enia explained hesitantly. She and Samik exchanged looks. "And we're looking for someone. He took something from our country, something really powerful that we need back. If we don't find him, we'll be in major trouble with our, um, superiors, not to mention that you'll have to kiss Hyrule goodbye." Her speech was riddled with slight hesitations.

"Who are you looking for?" Princess Zelda asked.

"His name is Darrel," Samik answered. "Darrel T. Mutantchicken. He's, well, he's a chicken."

Link rolled his eyes at the blatantly obvious lie, but the princess regarded the two with curiosity. "Is he a rather large chicken?"

"Yup," Samik answered.

"Is he white?"

"Also a yes."

"Does he have anger issues?"

"That's him in a nutshell."

Link looked between the princess and the strangers, confusion written all over his features. "Wait, wait, wait. You mean they're telling the truth? There's a _chicken_ threatening the safety of Hyrule?"

"He's no ordinary chicken," Enia said as Princess Zelda nodded solemnly. "He's mad, completely and utterly bonkers! Even more so than me! He'll stop at nothing to get what he wants. He has no scruples; he'll do anything and kill anyone who gets in his way. He's dangerous; incredibly so. And he's got a temper like the fiery pits of Tartarus. When he's mad, things tend to blow up."

"What're the fiery pits of Tartarus?" Link asked.

Enia paled slightly. "What? Er, nothing. It doesn't matter. Point is, Darrel's a very, very dangerous chicken."

Link still wasn't convinced. After all, the treat was a _chicken_, a simple farm animal. "As dangerous as Ganondorf?"

Enia considered it. Finally, she nodded. "Probably. They're a lot alike. They're both insane, power hungry, and have anger issues."

"You haven't seen him, Link," Princess Zelda added. "He killed who knows how many men to get here and there was this look in his eyes as he demanded that I hand over the throne; it reminded me of Ganondorf. But, who is he? Where's he from?" She was looking at Enia and Samik when she said the last part.

They shared another look. "He's an escaped criminal from our country," Samik answered, pausing a little before the last word. "He's sort of like our Public Enemy Number One."

"You have giant chickens in your country," Link said skeptically.

"Technically he's from outer space."

Great. This was getting more and more insane.

"But why would your superiors send you?" the princess asked. "No offense, but you're sort of young."

"So is Link," Enia pointed out. "And besides, he stole something from me that I was supposed to protect." She paused. "Well, technically I dropped it out a window by accident and he happened to be standing where it fell. But same difference."

"And our superiors don't exactly know that we're here," Samik added. "We left before they could find out. Hopefully,we'll be able to get it back before they notice anything."

"What did he take?" Link asked.

"It's called the Mystic Pen," Enia answered. "It's a writing utensil that can create anything the writer wants, if they know how to use it."

"And you know how to," Princess Zelda said.

"Yes."

"But does Darrel?"

Enia hesitated, making a face. "I don't know. Which is why we have to find him and get it back before he figures it out."

Link came to a decision. This Darrel guy was threatening to take of Hyrule; something Link couldn't allow to happen. He would help these strangers get their Pen back and defeat the chicken. "Alright," he said. "I'm going to help you. We're going to find this Darrel and take him down."

Enia grinned. "Sounds like my kind of plan! Let's go!" She spun around and strode towards the door.

"Just a moment," Princess Zelda interrupted. Enia froze with one foot in the air. "I'd like to speak with Link alone for a minute. Why don't you two go explore the city? Link will find you later."

"I like that plan, too!" Enia cheered. She grabbed Samik's hand and charged out the door. Five seconds later there was a loud thud. "Ow…that was a wall…" Link and Zelda heard her groan.

"How many times do I have to tell you to watch where you're going?" Samik's voice asked.

"The rug slipped!" Enia cried indignantly.

A few seconds passed. "That's the wrong direction, Enia."

"Curses!"

When Link turned back to Princess Zelda, she was smiling. "They're an odd pair, aren't they?"

"Especially the girl," he agreed.

"Do you trust them?"

Link thought about it, casting a look back at the door the two had recently exited through. "I…I don't know. What do you think?"

"I think that although their intentions and motivations are clear, they're holding something back."

"Like what?"

The princess shrugged and sat back down. "I don't know."

"But can we trust them?"

She nodded. "Yes. I believe we can. And they'll be good allies to have. Despite their sill and innocent demeanor, they radiate power. Magical power."

Link raised an eyebrow. "Really? But…" suddenly, all the pieces clicked into place. "Of course! How else would they be able to keep up with a galloping horse for hours? And the girl knows how to use a sword very well."

"And did you notice how they seem to have silent conversations with each other?"

"You saw that too?" he asked, glad that he wasn't the only one. "I've been seeing that ever since I met them."

"Yes, they've got secrets. Who knows if they'll ever tell them to us. But, although they seem trustworthy, they also seem like the kind of people that trouble follows. Be careful around them."

That was when they heard the first scream. Link spun around and took off towards the door. "Speaking of trouble…"

**Enia: Sorry for the delay. School was ending and then Camp Nanowrimo started. I got distracted. So, this is the second part of this three part chapter then we'll check up on Darrel and I'll make a fool of him! **

**Samik: Speaking of Darrel, what did you do to him and Dorfy?**

**Enia: Oh, they're dangling over my pool of hungry harpies.**

**Samik: Since when do you have a pool of harpies?**

**Enia: Since forever. Where have you been?**

**Samik: …**

**Enia: Anyways, hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review! Also, I'm leaving for vacation in about two weeks. We aren't bringing the laptop. I'll have my notebook though so there will be writing going on, not to worry. I'll try to get another chapter done before we leave, but no promises. Laters!**


	9. Did You Expect Anything But Trouble?

Did You Really Expect Anything but Trouble?

Enia and Samik finally managed to make it out of the castle after several wrong turns and run-ins with the guards. They ran down the castle steps, hands linked, and into the brightly lit courtyard of Castle Town. Little glowing bulbs were strung across wires stretched between poles and they sparkled off the water of the fountain along with the midday sun. Street musicians took over the edges of the square and some even braved the edge of the fountain; the one place the Hylians seemed to be avoiding. Vendors filled the spaces between the musicians, hawking out their wares as loudly as possible. The shoppers moved from stall to stall, baskets in hand. There was a larger amount of visible weapons than normal and the expressions on their faces were tense, as if they expected trouble to arise at any second.

"So…what do you want to do?" Enia asked Samik.

He shrugged and they began to shove their way through the throng. "I don't know. Too bad we don't have any rupees."

"Yeah," Enia agreed, pursing her lips a little. She spotted a promising looking stall through a break in the crowd. "Ooo! Weapons stall! Let's go there!"

"Okay," Samik said and took the leader, pulling Enia through the crushing throng. They got several dirty looks as they elbowed their way through a tight group of gossiping women. "Sorry," Samik told them, looking back over his shoulder and grinning as they turned away with flustered, embarrassed expressions.

Enia giggled and poked in the ribs. "Now that wasn't nice."

"What? All I did was say sorry."

She rolled her eyes at him. The weapons stall appeared before them and Enia's eyes widened. "Ooo…so pretty…" she murmured, moving forward. Gleaming swords lay on the table with their sheaths beside them. Metal shields caught the lit and reflected it, sparkling. Knives and daggers of various sorts hung from the walls, the jewels in their pommels glistening. There was even a beautifully carved wooden bow, the designs on it painted blue. Its quiver hung nearby, brimming with arrows.

Enia ran her hand over the leather grip of one of the swords. She slipped her fingers around it and lifted the sword into the air. The weapon was perfectly balanced. She spun to Samik and pointed the blade at him. "Engarde!"

He regareded her, one eyebrow arched and a hint of a smile of his lips. He slowly picked up an identical blade. "Are you sure you want to challenge me?"

Her answer was to attack.

The blades met with a clash and a shower of sparks. All commotion in the courtyard stopped, everyone turning to see what the ruckus was. "Hey!" the vendor yelped. He was ignored. The two combatants danced away towards the center of the square, ducking and weaving as they fought. Enia spun to the side to avoid Samik's vertical slash and cut at his feet. He leapt over the whistling blade and turned to face her even before his feet had touched the ground.

Enia lunged forward as he alighted on the stones, blade outstretched, and he tumbled gracefully to the ground, rolling away from the attack. They circled each other warily for a minute before Samik pressed forward. Enia gave ground willingly as they exchanged blows, heading towards the fountain. She jumped up on its ledge and sliced at Samik's head. He blocked and swept his sword at her ankles. Enia jumped, but instead of coming straight down, she launched herself over Samik's head, flipped, and landed on the cobblestones at his back. He instantly twirled to meet her sword in another shower of sparks.

Then something screamed. The sound was far-off, but the fight instantly came to a stop, both contestants spinning to face its source. They exchanged looks and nodded in unison. The two friends exploded into motion, sprinting in the direction of the scream and chucking their swords at the stall of the startled vendor. The citizens of Castle Town moved out of their way.

Enia and Samik shot down a narrow side street, dodging shoppers and stalls. Enia jumped over a fluffy white cat as they passed a Goron selling hot spring water. Someone was pushing a cart overflowing with fruit across the road. The vendor froze when he saw the two youths barreling towards him and let go of his cart so he could get out of the way. There was no time to go around it. Three feet away, Enia and Samik leapt into the air and cleared the cart, falling into a roll on the other side and popping up, still running.

They burst out of the cramped town and out onto a sunlight meadow. In the middle of the grassy clearing were two stone pillars. On the left one sat a scared young bow, cowering in the center as a pack of snarling gray Wolfos prowled below.

Enia looked at Samik. He nodded. She bent down and picked up a loose white rock, and together they walked forward to the top of the stairs that led down into the meadow. Enia bounced the rock in her hand before placing it on the ground before her. When she stomped her foot, the stone rose into the air. She kicked at it, not even hitting it, but the rock shot away at a tremendous speed to hit the alpha Wolfos in the head. It yelped with surprise. "Direct hit!" Enia cheered.

The angry animals turned towards the newcomers and began to stalk forward. Enia lightly skipped down the stairs with Samik right behind her. There were flames dancing along her fingers. Samik raised his hand and a cloud of leaves rose to hover in the air. With a flick of his wrist, he sent them zinging towards the approaching Wolfos. They connected with stinging force and sent the wolves darting away, yelping and howling.

Enia laughed. "Nice one!"

Samik took a sweeping bow. "Thank you. Thank you very much. Your turn."

Enia didn't need to be told twice. She approached the alpha who shook of the pain to come and meet her. A glove of flame covered her hand. Behind her, she could feel Samik moving to take on the other two Wolfos. "Hey there, big fella," she said to the snarling predator. "Wanna play?"

Apparetnly, the Wolfos did because he leapt at her with his fanged mouth opened wide. Enia slapped her flaming hand against the wolf's side. The animal howled and crashed to the ground. It snarled at Enia who couldn't resist growling back. The fire glove turned into a long whip. She cracked it at the Wolfos. It cowered away. She cracked it again. "Get out of here! Go on! Get! You know you can't beat us; I can see it in your eyes!"

The Wolfos eyed the flickering whip warily. Then it let out a long howl to its minions and they stopped lunging at Samik. The alpha led the retreat.

Enia ran over to Samik and leapt into the air to give him a powerful high-five. "Woo-hoo! We showed them!"

Samik caught her around the waist and spun her around before setting his friend on the ground. "You bet we did! They ain't gonna mess with us no more!"

She whacked him on the head. "Grammar!"

He just laughed.

Suddenly, Enia gasped. "The kid!"

Samik let her go and she spun towards the pillar. The boy was still sitting there, trembling, eyes clamped tightly shut. Enia jumped to the top, a stiff breeze from below aiding her. Uncertainly, she laid a hand on the kid's head. He stiffened. "Hey, um, it's okay. The Wolfos are gone. Um, you're safe."

The boy opened his eyes. Enia smiled at him. Feeling safe, he latched onto her neck and buried his face in her shoulder. Startled, Enia hesitantly wrapped her arms around him. When she stood up, he wrapped his legs around her waist. Enia jumped down from the pillar, landing light so she didn't jostle the kid. "Okay, we're on the ground now. You can let go."

She tried to set the boy down, but he wouldn't let go. She glanced at Samik for help, looking distinctly uncomfortable. He shrugged, slightly amused. Sighing, Enia stood back up.

Link came racing out of the town, pausing slightly when he saw Enia and Samik standing in the meadow. The grass held signs of a scuffle. Enia was holding a small child, looking awkward and uncertain. "Come on, kid," he heard her say as he started moving again. "I mean it, you're safe. It's time to let go. You're sort of starting to choke me."

If anything, the child held on tighter.

Enia took a step towards Samik. "Take him."

Her friend stepped back and raised his hands. "He likes you." Link thought he sounded amused. Enia harrumphed at him and bent down, trying to unlatch the boy's arms from her neck.

"Hey," Link called, running up to them. "What's going on?"

Enia pointed at the child. "Will you take him?"

"He likes you," Link parroted, making Samik grin and Enia stick her tongue out at them both. "But seriously, what happened? I heard a scream."

"So did we," replied Samik. "So we followed it. We found this kid on top of that pillar, surrounded by Wolfos. We drove them off. The kid latched onto Enia."

"Will someone _please_ take him?" Enia begged. "I'm not good with kids. Or people in general."

"Tyrone!" shrieked a worried female voice.

A short, slim woman came charging into their little pow-wow, dress flapping. She practically tore her son from Enia's arms and turned on her heel, leaving as quickly as she'd come without saying a word of thanks. "You're welcome!" Enia muttered sarcastically as the woman disappeared into the city.

Link followed in the woman's wake at a more sedate pace, the others right behind him. Enia looked relieved to be rid of the child. "You beat of a pack of Wolfos?" Link asked. "With what?"

"Sticks and stones," Enia answered, grinning.

"And a whole hell of a lot of stupidity," Samik added.

Link led the way through the streets towards the stables. The smell of horse quickly permeated the air. The doors were open when they arrived and Link ducked inside. There were five horses in the stables, two stallions and three mares. The stallions were opposites, one white, the other black. Two of the mares were shades of brown. The third was a dappled gray. Enia and Samik turned to Link for an explanation.

"Pick one." Link nodded at the horses.

"Really?" Enia asked eagerly.

"Yes."

Enia made a bee-line for the dappled gray. Samik headed towards the white stallion. Enia stroked the mare's nose and nodded at her knowingly. "Yes, of course. I shall call you Stormagheddon. Stormy for short."

Across the stables, Samik thudded his palm against his forehead. Link looked at him curiously. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"What are you going to call yours, Samik?" Enia called, still stroking Stormagheddon.

Samik regarded the stallion seriously. "How about…Stilstra?"

The horse snorted his approval.

"What's it mean?" Link asked, not recognizing the word.

"Firelight."

"In what language?"

"A forgotten one back home," Enia answered for Samik.

Someone knocked on the stable door. The three turned around to see a man in a vendor's smock standing in the doorway, holding a cloth wrapped object in his hand. He looked right at Enia and Samik, recognizing them. "Hey, you're the weapons vendor!" Enia said.

The man nodded. "Yes." He unwrapped his package, revealing two identical swords. "I heard what you did in the meadow. I thought I would give this to you as thanks. He's my son, you see. And I've never seen anyone make these blades dance quickly like you two did."

Enia and Samik stepped forward and accepted the gifts with a word of thanks. Enia jumped into a shaft of light and drew her sword, striking a pose with the blade held over her head. "How do I look? Pretty heroic, right?"

Her horse snorted.

"Oi!" she yelped. "Be nice!"

Link paid the horsemaster as she put the sword away and slung it across her back. The horses were saddled and they made their way out of the city to where Epona was waiting. "Ready?" Link asked, mounting. His companions nodded and climbed onto their horses. "Let's go!"

**Enia: Lol. Stormagheddon. Doctor Who reference. Couldn't resist. You're probably going to be seeing a lot of those. I actually really am terrible with kids and I really don't like people. That part of the chapter was true.**

**Samik: Enia's thoughts while in a long bathroom line at the crowded entrance to the Golden Gate Bridge. 1. I wish I had a shotgun. 2. Where's a zombie mob when you need one? 3. If I start biting people, will they assume I'm a zombie and run screaming from the premises?**

**Enia: Yup, not a people person.**

**Samik: It shows in the way you deal with Dorfy and Darrel.**

**Enia: Haha, yeah. Anyways. Bye all. Leave a review?**


	10. The Darkest of Arts

The Darkest of Arts

_Death is supposed to be an insurmountable obstacle. The end. The last adventure. A new beginning. However you describe it, one thing that remains constant is that once that line is crossed, dead is dead and the dead can't live again._

_Not so._

_The dead can be resurrected. The dead can come back to life. It is not easy to do and it is a process fraught with peril, but it is possible with magic and immense power. The spell is forbidden. Use it at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you._

Darrel flipped through the pages of the spell. There was a bunch of garbley gook about ingredients and special words and pronouncing everything carefully. There were specific times the spell had to be done for "optimal results", and the entire spell would take at least a month. Darrel smirked. You could go through that whole long, arduous process…or you could take a short cut and use the Mystic Pen. He had been practicing with it and now it would do what he wanted eighty percent of the time. He used it for his meals because the food here was horrendous.

He dropped the scroll on the table and stood up, stretching luxuriously. There was only one thing he actually needed to make this work; the location of the body. That could prove difficult. None of the historical texts about the downfall of the King of Evil spoke of his final resting place, probably to keep people like him from trying to resurrect him. Darrel figured that only the princess knew and she wasn't about to tell him.

It wouldn't be buried in a cemetery, even with an unmarked grave. It was probably somewhere remote and hard to get to. It would be well hidden, probably with magic if the ways of this world were anything to judge by. It would be a place where no one ever ventured, and Darrel was going to find it.

He swept out of his headquarters, blinking in the sun. His army bustled about the streets, but there were no humans (or Hylians, if that was what they were called) to be seen. He spotted his general and called the beast over. The Dinalfos strutted across the street to stand before Darrel. "What?"

Darrel shoved down a grimace; someone needed to teach the lizard manners. "Do you know this land well?"

It nodded. "Of course."

"Where would you bury an enemy that you wanted no one to be able to find?"

The Dinalfos thought for a moment, eyes blinking slowly, and Darrel watched it impatiently. "Well, I imagine I would go to the gorges around the Forgotten Village of the Sheikah."

Darrel grinned and rubbed his wings together. "Take me there."

His general bowed. "As you wish."

Fred, Arin, and the monster guarding them were ready to kill Teemo. He wouldn't stop singing human Christmas carols in a loud, off-key voice. Arin started swinging back and forth on her chain until she bashed into Teemo. "Shut up!"

He sang louder. _"Sleigh bells ring…"_

"Teemo!" Fred yelled. "You're making my ears bleed!"

The monster roared in agreement.

"You guys have no Christmas cheer," Teemo huffed before he started another song.

"They don't _have_ Christmas here," Arin said. She bumped into Teemo again and their ropes creaked.

He opened his mouth to reply, but the scuff of boots on the rocks cut him off. The prisoners immediately grew silent, and the monster snarled threateningly. A group of people entered the room.

It was time to set off. Darrel had conjured up a motorcycle. It wasn't as cool as the one he had back on Earth, but it was better than a tricycle. Or a horse. Darrel couldn't stand the beasts.

There were five of them. Darrel, his Dinalfos general, and three Lizalfos guards. The creatures fiddled with their swords and growled deep in their throats; they wanted blood. Darrel swung himself astride the bike and gripped the handlebars. "Ready?" the Dinalfos asked.

"Yes." Darrel paused. "No, wait. There's one more thing. The prisoners; they're too dangerous to leave together, even if their magic is bound. Leave the purple-haired one, but take the other two and move them." He pictured the map in his mind. "Take the other boy to the lake and find a place to hide him. I believe I read that there is another temple there. Place him deep inside it. Take the girl to Death Mountain and leave her deep within the mines. Don't let anyone see you. I will create monsters to guard them."

The Dinalfos bowed. "I will send a team to do it." It beckoned at a passing Bokoblin, and spoke to the beast in a harsh grating tongue for a minute. The sound rasped painfully over Darrel's eardrums, and he winced. The Bokoblin bowed then turned and scurried away into the town. The general turned back to Darrel. "It is done."

Darrel smiled. "Very good." He revved the motorcycle. "Let's go!"

With a blood-chilling roar, the five set off to the north."

* * *

><p>Something was thrown into the cavern. A white mushroom of smoke erupted in the air, and the monster reared away from it, roaring in distress. It struck the wall, shaking the cavern, and collapsed to the ground, stunned. The prisoners shuddered in their ropes. Dark shadows flitted into the room. Several headed towards the downed guard to make sure it stayed down. The rest make a beeline for the dangling friends. "What's going on?" Fred hissed. He was facing the opposite direction and couldn't see a thing.<p>

"There's someone here," Arin answered. "There was a smoke bomb, and they have the monster under their control, and they're coming right for us."

"They're here to rescue us!" Teemo cheered.

"Oh, cool," Fred said.

The ropes Teemo and Arin were dangling from jerked suddenly, and they began to rapidly descend towards the ground. The rock rushed towards them. "Oh shit," Teemo said eloquently.

"Uh, guys?" Fred called from above.

The smoke began to dissipate, and the figures took form. They were short and stubby-looking with misshapen heads and arms that almost dragged on the floor. And they were a weird purple color. Most carried stout clubs or short swords and potbellies. "Gross," Teemo muttered to Arin. She stifled a giggle.

They hit the ground roughly and with grunts of pain. Spots of color danced before Teemo's eyes. "Ow," he grumbled. "Be careful, would you?"

The ugly creatures swarmed the pair, making sure their bonds were tight before dragging them towards the mouth of the cavern by their feet. "I guess this means they're not rescuing us," Teemo said.

"I guess not," Arin agreed. "Pity."

"Guys?" Fred called frantically.

Teemo twisted around until he could see his friend. Fred's face was pale beneath his purple hair. "Don't worry! It'll be fine!"

"No, it won't," Fred replied, his ropes revolving in slow circles.

_No, it won't_, Teemo silently agreed.

* * *

><p>The group of five thundered through the narrow, overgrown forest paths, sending animals fleeing before them. The lizard creatures kept up with Darrel's motorcycle. They bounded around the trees and dashed across the rocky ground on legs that seemed to blur. The sound of the engine growled in the silent air, unnatural.<p>

The trees began to thin out, and Darrel caught glimpses of a vast open plain up ahead. They had already been riding for several hours. Darrel's butt hurt, but he wasn't going to be the first to call for a break. The sun was rapidly falling down the sky, and shadows lengthened considerably.

The Dinalfos caught up to Darrel. "I want to be out of the forest before we stop."

Darrel glared at it, eyebrow raised. "Who's in charge here?"

The lizard bit back a snarl. "You are."

"Good. Don't forget it. Now, we should get out of the forest before we stop for the night."

The Dinalfos rolled its eyes and dropped back to run among its comrades. Darrel smirked; what a stupid beast.

* * *

><p>"<em>Dasing through the snow,<br>On a one horse open sleigh.  
>Over the hills we go,<br>Laughing all the way!  
>Hahahaha!"<em>

"Shud up!" the Bokoblin roared, slamming its club against the side of the metal cage. "Shud yer mouth before I shud it fer ya!"

"_Bells on bobtails ring,  
>Making spirits cry,<br>Oh, what fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight!  
>Oh!"<em>

"I mean it! Be quiet!"

Teemo grinned from within the cage and began to tap his heels against the floor, creating a dull thudding noise. "Hey," he said. "I have to pee."

Outside, the Bokoblin banged its head against its palm. It refused to answer the prisoner. Teemo struggled to his knees, his ankles and wrists bound, and inched over to the tiny barred window at the front of the cage. He gripped the bars and peered out. "Oi! Did you hear me?"

"Yes!" the Bokoblin snarled. "I was choosin' to ignore yew. Now shud up."

"But I have to pee!" Teemo protested. The creature banged its club against the cage. Teemo didn't flinch; instead he stuck his tongue out at his captor. "Now let me out, or I'll start singing again!"

That gave the Bokoblin pause. It hesitated, hand straying towards the lock. Teemo waited, tensing. "Please?" he asked.

The Bokoblin groaned and glanced around, making sure no one was watching. Then it unlocked the cage. Teemo spilled out and tumbled to the ground in a heap. "Oph. Thanks. Now could you unlock me?" He held up his manacled hands, grinning innocently. "Please? I can't pee if I'm locked up."

The creature was really stupid, Teemo thought as it grappled for the keys hanging from its belt, found one, and unlocked the restraints. "Thanks," the prisoner said with relief.

"Hurry up," The Bokoblin grumbled, folding its arms and looking away.

Teemo stood up and stretched luxuriously. He raised his arms above his head, enjoying the feeling of the sun on his skin. Then he punched the Bokoblin in the head as hard as he could.

* * *

><p>"I'm hungry. Can I have a pizza?" Arin asked for the hundredth time that hour.<p>

"Wha's a pizza?" her Bokoblin guard demanded for the hundredth time that hour.

"It's a dish of awesome nummy proportions. Now let me out!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Shud up!"

"Make me!"

The Bokoblin hit itself over the head in frustration. What had it done to deserve such a torturous job? Did the Dinalfos general have it out for the Bokoblin? It just wasn't fair! Maybe if it ignored the girl she would go away…

"Hey!"

Apparently not. "Shud up before I make yew."

"Ugh, you can't even talk right," Arin grumbled. The Bokoblin frowned. Was she making fun of it? Good thing Death Mountain wasn't too far away. It wanted to dump this girl as soon as possible. Why hand't it gotten a sleeping draught to use or something? The Bokoblin urged the horse dragging the cart to go faster. "Stop ignoring me," the girl demanded.

It kept ignoring her, and Arin wished she had something to throw at its head. "I know you can hear me. I'll start singing. I swear I will. You won't like it."

The Bokoblin cringed, dreading the thought. It stopped the cart and opened the door, hefting its club. Arin was at the back, chained to the wall. Her eyes narrowed. "What are you doing?"

Her captor raised its club menacingly. "Shudding yew up." And it brought the club down on her head.

* * *

><p>Teemo's captor stumbled under the heavy blow to its skull. "You are so dumb," Teemo informed it as he swept the creature's legs out from under it, sending it crashing to the ground. Forgetting that his magic had been blocked, he slammed his foot on the ground, intending to send the creature flying into the air. Nothing happened, and the Bokoblin was able to stagger to its feet.<p>

"…Crap," Teemo muttered, ducking a wild club swing. It missed his head by less than an inch. He rammed his shoulder into the Bokoblin's stomach. Its breath went out in a whoosh, and they staggered backwards, the Bokoblin's club raining blows on Teemo's back. He grunted in pain and jumped away. The Bokoblin fell to the ground. Teemo rolled his neck; what he wouldn't give for his magic.

Before his captor could get up, Teemo leapt forward to deliver the final blow. Reflexively, the Bokoblin whipped its club up. With a stroke of impossible luck (for the Bokoblin), the heavy wooden cudgel struck Teemo in the temple. With a shocked gasp, he crumpled to the ground and everything went black.

* * *

><p>When Darrel and company finally made it out of the forest, it was almost completely dark. Darrel left everyone else to set up camp and light the fire, and conjured himself up a fancy, luxurious tent. He retired inside to wait for word that the prisoners had been secured. It came after many long hours in the form of a black hawk with a slip of parchment attached to its leg. Several more hours after that, a second hawk arrived bearing news that the annoying boy was incapacitated.<p>

Darrel grinned and began to scribble with the Mystic Pen. _Let's see them try to escape now,_ he thought.

**Enia: …So. Long time, no write, eh? And with a shoddily done chapter too. Sorry, I know it's not very good. I do have one bit of news though; I have self-published ****Purple Tractors****. It's very pretty and I'm rather proud of it. **

**Ganondorf: Give me back my fish!**

**Darrel: Never!**

**Samik: …What the hell?**

**Enia: I have no idea. Best not to ask. Bye! Please read and review!**

**Ganondorf: MY FISH!**


	11. Ordon Village

**Enia: Hiiiiiiiiiii, I'm back. XD It's been a while. Heheheh. Vroom vroom. I'm a dinosaur.**

Ordon Village

The sound of thundering hoof beats echoed through the vast plain, scaring the birds from their perches and sending small animals running for cover. The shadows wavered in the sunlight as they danced across the tall grass.

The three horses and their riders swept across Hyrule field, following the winding dirt path that looped over rolling hills and bent around the gullies and streams that lay in its way. In the distance was a dark green blob; Faron Woods.

It took them the better part of the afternoon, but eventually they left the open plain and blazing sun behind for the deep shadows of the old forest. The path narrowed as the underbrush kept up on it and the huge roots from the trees inched across the dirt. The riders fell into a single-file line with the man in green in the front, followed by the girl, and finally her friend. Somewhere high above them, a bird screeched harshly.

"Are we there yet?" Enia grumbled. "My butt hurts. I think this saddle has it out for me."

"You think every inanimate object has it out for you," Samik pointed out from the end of the line.

"That's because they do."

"It shouldn't be far," Link interrupted, studying the worn and well creased map. "Just a couple more hours."

"That's not considered close," Enia grumbled.

"Stop complaining," Link ordered. She made an ugly face at his back.

The forest gradually darkened as the hours and miles of their journey dragged on. Link pulled out his lantern and lit it, holding it up so it could spill its light onto the path and some of the surrounding trees. "So what's the plan?" Enia wondered. "We need to find our friends, but we also need to start looking for Darrel."

"What if we split up?" Link suggested. "You two can go look for your friends, and I'll start searching around for this chicken."

He still thought it was really weird that they were looking for a chicken. That a _chicken_ was their big, bad guy in town or whatever. After Zant and Ganondorf that seemed a little…childish. He didn't see what the big deal was.

"Alright," Samik agreed. "But as soon as someone finds something, I think we should meet up and go after it together."

Link nodded; that made sense. "Sounds like a plan."

"Good," Enia said happily. "Now that that's settled…are we there yet?"

* * *

><p>It took them another half an hour to reach the outskirts of Ordon Village. The three of them jumped off their horses and tied them up at the post next to Link's house. Enia flopped over onto the grass, groaning, as Samik reached for his toes, grimacing in pain. Link stared at them. "You guys aren't really used to horses, are you?"<p>

"Not at the present time," Enia moaned. "Ooo, Lordy."

Link let them lie there and turned away to look at the village. Plumes of smoke rose above the trees, but that was normal; it was the smoke from the chimneys. The weird thing was that the air was silent. Where was the bleating of goats or the sound of shovels hitting dirt? Hell, where was the sound of voices and laughter? There should at least be something. But there wasn't. And Link knew that wasn't a good sign.

He turned back to the strangers. "Come on," he said. "Something's wrong."

"Of course something's wrong," Enia grumbled, pushing herself out of the grass to her knees. "Something's _always_ wrong."

She held out her hand to Samik, and he pulled her to her feet. "Let's do this thing," he said, grinning.

"Be careful," Link added before they could go charging off. Enia looked like she had something snarky to say, but Samik jabbed her in the ribs to shut her up.

Link led the way down the short path from his house to the village. He kept his footsteps soft and his ears and eyes peeled. The tall wooden gate appeared before them. It was shut and a heavy-duty lock and chain was looped around its posts. An angry looking Bokoblin guarded it, club resting in its gnarled hands.

Link yanked the other two into the shrubbery before the monster could turn its head and see them. He placed a finger against his lips. Enia rolled her eyes and gave him a 'duh' look which he decided to ignore.

He slipped away and slithered through the leaves until he was by a tree large enough to stand up behind. He pulled his bow and an arrow out of the bag tied to his belt that was bigger on the inside. Link closed his eyes and pictured the entire forest in his mind. He knew right where the Bokoblin was. He knocked the arrow and drew the string of the bow back to his cheek. Then, in one smooth motion, he stepped out from behind the tree, eyes still closed, raised the weapon, and let the arrow fly.

There was a thud and a gurgle, then a second thud as the Bokoblin hit the ground, dead. Enia whistled softly. "Hot damn; that was cool."

Link smiled slightly. "Come on."

They left the trees and approached the gate and the dead body of the guard.

"Got a key?" Samik asked.

"Nope," Link replied. "But I bet he does."

He dug through the Bokoblin's grimy pockets until his fingers closed around a thick metal rod.

_Ba na na na! Link got a Small Key!_

He handed the key to Samik and rolled the dead body into the trees and out of sight. There was a heavy thunk as Samik worked the key in the lock, and then the chain shivered and fell to the ground. Samik shoved the gate open.

They crept into the dark village, staying close to the fence and out of the light that pooled from the windows of the houses and a few bobbing lanterns.

"How much do you want to bet that those lanterns aren't in the hands of the villagers," Samik murmured.

"You're right," Link agreed. "Ordon's been overrun."

"Darrel?" Enia guessed.

Link shrugged. "Probably."

"Do you think he's still here?"

"Could be."

"Where's the biggest and grandest house in the village?" Samik asked, eyes scanning the area.

"The mayor's," Link answered. "Why?"

"If he's here, that's where he'll be."

Link nodded. "I'll take a look. You two start looking for your friends."

"Alright."

Enia and Samik left to skirt around the edges of town, looking for any villagers that might have information for them. Link went the opposite way and snuck through the shadows towards the mayor's house.

The shapes holding the lanterns weren't human. Some were short and squat with misshapen limbs and small heads, while others were had long tails and even longer necks. Link sighed. He wanted to leap out of the shadows and take on the entire lot of them – they were invading his home, and he wasn't about to let that stand – but who knew how many of them were prowling the village, and he didn't want to alert the chicken that he was there.

Soon he was directly across from the front door of Mayor Bo's house. A lanky Dinalfos stood in the pool of light coming from a mounted torch. It didn't look like it was about to go anywhere anytime soon. Luckily, there was another way in.

Link backtracked until he found the popular hawk perch and darted across the dark ground until he was pressed up against the scratchy vines of the pillar. He climbed up as silently as he could, the thick plant stalks rustling and creaking under his weight.

He jumped deftly from stone outcropping to stone outcropping until he was as close to the watermill as he could get. The last time he'd made this jump he'd been a wolf with the aid of a shadow imp. He didn't think it would be as easy this time.

Link backed up as far as the circle of rock he was standing on would let him. He swallowed heavily; here went nothing.

He took three fast steps to the other side of the pillar and jumped off, throwing himself into the air with as much force as possible, wind milling his arms and legs for more momentum. He hit one of the spokes of the watermill with his chest, knocking the air from his lungs, and wrapped his arms around the wooden post before he could fall off. His legs swung forward and thumped against the wall of the house.

Too loud; too loud.

Link looked down at the Dinalfos in panic, knowing he was dead meat if the monster looked up and saw him hanging there. But the lizard just turned around slightly and shrugged to itself. "Damn hawks," Link heard it mutter. He breathed a sigh of relief.

Link clawed and pulled himself onto the top of the watermill and rolled onto the tiled roof of the house, breathing heavily. That hurt a lot more than he remembered. He crawled across the roof towards the single open window and let himself in.

The room was a lot messier than the way Mayor Bo kept it. The chicken had definitely made his nest here. Papers and books were strewn across the large oak table that dominated the center of the room, spilling off the sides and onto the floor. A half-eaten plate of food had been left on the tabletop, and a glass of water had been knocked over across some of the papers. Link shook his head in disgust.

He quickly searched the rest of the house. It was silent and empty. The chicken wasn't there, although he did find another long, white feather by the front door. He picked it up and tucked it in his bag. Then he went back to the table. Maybe he could find a clue about the chicken's whereabouts from the papers he had been studying.

* * *

><p>Enia and Samik ran quietly through Ordon Village, barely making an impression on the ground or the sleepy animals. The town inn was straight ahead, blazing with light. They skidded to a halt in the shadow of the building adjacent to it.<p>

"What's the plan?" Enia asked in a low voice.

"Get inside and hope they're friendly?" Samik suggested, shrugging.

"Good as any," Enia agreed.

They slipped forward across the street and crouched down under the sill of the nearest window. Samik risked a peek inside. "Human," he informed Enia. "Looks like most of the town is in here."

"Perfect," she said.

They stood up on either side of the window, and she carefully leaned forward and eased the window open, amazed that it wasn't locked. She and Samik tumbled inside, scaring the pants off of most of the people huddled in groups around the large tavern.

"Hello!" Enia said in a quiet voice, grinning and waving.

"Who are you?" demanded an older man with a rough, square-jawed face. "And how did you get in here?"

Samik pointed a thumb back over his shoulder. "Window was open."

The man stared at them incredulously. "Seriously?"

Enia nodded, and he sighed and shook his head, looking at the ground. "Damn, I can't believe we never noticed that."

"Have you come to rescue us?" asked a scared-looking girl. She looked like she was around Link's age, a few years older than Enia and Samik. She had short brown hair that curled down the nape of her neck and across one of her cheeks. The skin below her eye was discolored by a nasty bruise.

"Um, sort of," Enia answered awkwardly. "In a roundabout manner."

The villagers stared at them. A few eyebrows were raised.

"A chicken's been here, right?" Samik interrupted before his friend could say anything else that was stupid. "A large, angry chicken?"

The square-faced man nodded. "Yes. He came by a day or two ago. Brought in a huge army out of nowhere and took over. Locked us all in here."

"Right before he arrived, were there three other strangers?" Enia asked hopefully. "Two guys and a girl? One of the guys has purple hair and the other is a brunette, and the girl is a ginger?"

The girl nodded. "I saw them. I served them food. They fought the chicken when he came, but his army overpowered them and took them away."

Enia took a few swift steps forward until she was right next to the girl. "Do you know where?"

"The old temple," she answered. "In the forest. Why?"

"We need to find them. They're friends of ours, and we need their help to defeat Darrel – the chicken."

"What about us?" the old man demanded angrily. "Can you get us out of here?"

"Of course we can," Enia answered, unsure if she was actually telling the truth. "But first we need to meet up with Link."

Every face in the room lit up with hope at the mention of the green-clad hero. "Link?"

"Link's here?"

"He's come to save us!"

"I knew he would!"

The babble of voices grew louder and louder until Enia and Samik began to worry that someone outside would here. Samik placed a finger to his lips and shushed them urgently. "Yes, he's here. But shut up about it so you don't alert the entire army that's outside!"

The room instantly fell silent. He breathed a sigh of relief. Enia leaned in close and whispered in his ear, "Wait, how do we reach him? We never actually settled that."

"…Shit," he grumbled.

But the problem was solved for them. As if he knew they were talking about him, Link came crawling through the same window they had. "Your chicken's definitely been here," was the first thing he said. "And I think I know where he's gone now."

"We know where our friends are," Enia replied. "In the old Forest Temple."

Link nodded. "Okay. We'll go after them. And then we'll deal with your chicken once and for all."

**Enia: Hm. This fic really hasn't been going that well. That's okay. I'm just going to keep plugging along and hope it picks up when I reach the temples and the plot that I sort of have in my head.**

**Ganondorf: He has my fish.**

**Enia: And I give a crap…why?"**

**Ganondorf: Because he has my fish.**

**Enia: You two are like children.**

**Darrel: Well he stole my apple!**

**Samik: Definitely children.**

**Enia: Who we are ignoring so please leave a review!**


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